Foolish Notions Page 5

“Maybe a celebration is in order,” she said with a wink.

  A smile spread across his face. “Wow, you are feeling better.” His eyes narrowed mischievously. “What did you have in mind?”

  “Let’s go bar hopping.”

  The burst of laughter couldn’t be contained as he tilted his head back and expressed his amusement. He indulged her. “Where to?”

  Marie drummed her fingers. “We could start at that bar down on Sunup Drive. I heard that’s where you young kids go to do . . . what do they call them? Shooters?” She turned and looked at him seriously. “Now, what exactly are shooters?”

  “Never mind, Mom.”

  She shook her head, disregarding the thought. “What’s the name of that place? Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

  Of course he knew which bar she was referring to. That was the nightclub where he had met Samantha. They had gone there often while they were together. It was their exclusive place that reminded them of when they met. “Nightlight.”

  “Nightlight, that’s it. Well, we could start there and end up God only knows where,” she said with a hoot.

  “I don’t know if I’m up for a night of bar hopping.” He moved to close the window. “I have to be up early tomorrow.”

  “Spoilsport.”

  “I know, I know. But one of us has to—”

  “Marie—”

  James halted in mid-turn when he heard the voice. His smile disappeared as his gaze moved to the other side of the room, searching the vicinity the voice had come from. It took only moments for him to find the object that was causing his heart to pummel against his chest like a drum keeping a turbulent tempo. The glimpse prompted his eyes to find hers in hopes they weren’t viciously deceiving him. When his eyes met with Samantha’s for the first time in a year, her words trailed off into an uncertain whisper. She slowly faded into a blur and then came back into focus. He shook his head to clear it.

  James’s gaze went to the neatly folded stack of clothes in her arms before it shifted upward to the golden streaks that highlighted her hair. The gorgeous, blond mane was swept back into a loose ponytail. The warm hues enhanced her face, which didn’t have a trace of makeup on it. Her slender figure was clad in capri pants and a silk tank top. He studied her eyes.

  His gaze remained fixed on her, just as it had the first time he had seen her—an unbreakable stare. She looked the same. Her natural beauty still radiated from her, producing a wholesome, sweet glow. If he hadn’t known some of the things they had done together he would have thought her childlike innocence was authentic. Yes, she looked the same. She blinked, and it caused him to really inspect the clear blue surrounded by sandy lashes. Something was missing. Physically, she was as stunning as always, but there was definitely something different about her. He took an unconscious step forward. Her eyes didn’t shimmer like they used to. They were sad eyes.

  “James? Did you hear me?” Marie asked.

  “Huh?” He reluctantly moved his attention from Samantha to his mom. “Sorry. What?”

  “We have found our nurse,” she said happily. “Samantha is going to take care of me. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  His eyes darted back to Samantha. “I—I thought—” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Are you going to—” He cleared his throat.

  “James,” Marie said firmly. “James?”

  “May I talk with you?” James muttered to Samantha.

  Samantha opened her mouth, closed it again. Then said, “Sure.”

  “Alone,” he said as he turned and left the room.

  “Sure.” The word snapped out much too fast.

  Marie said nothing as she watched Samantha leave the room.

  * * * * *

  Samantha’s heart boomed as she followed him down the hall. She paused at the top of the stairs to catch her breath as he continued on. Her hand covered her heart as she fought to control her breathing. Oh, my God, oh, my God. The phrase not only echoed inside her head but in her heart, too. Had she made the right decision? This was going to be much harder than she had planned. She hadn’t been prepared for what she was going to feel when she saw him.

  The feelings that she had for him so long ago couldn’t still be lingering inside her, could they? She knew the answer to that. She had loved him too deeply, too completely, for them to just fade away. Even after what he’d done.

  For the last year she had tried to forget everything about James, especially how handsome and masculine he was. At night was the hardest, alone in her bed. Memories of how it felt to be held and loved by him consumed her. She would lie awake for hours aching for someone to hold her and touch her. She thought the absence of a man in her bed for a year had somehow made her exaggerate how virile James was. It was just the opposite. He was that and more, no exaggeration was needed. Seeing him tonight was proof of that.

  She found him in the kitchen. He was rummaging through the refrigerator for something to eat. Neither one of them spoke as she took a seat at the bar. She could tell he was contemplating what to say. He always busied himself when he was deciding on something he wasn’t sure about. If his back were not to her, she would be able to see the deep crease that formed between his brows when he was in thought. She had seen it many times. When they were playing a game of chess or when he was poring over reports. She would touch that deep crease, rub it until it softened, and then tell him he was too serious. The gesture always caused him to smile.

  “Want one?” James asked, as he tossed the fixings for a sandwich on the counter.

  “No, thank you.” She tried to interpret his expression. “Are you angry with me?”

  He shook his head, unable to look at her. “Anger is not what I’m feeling.”

  “Then what is it?” As she watched him she realized that he truly didn’t appear to be angry. Instead, he looked confused. It wasn’t often that James Taylor was at a loss, but clearly he was now.

  “I didn’t think you’d be here. I didn’t think that you’d—” He was quiet for a moment. “I just didn’t think you’d be here,” he finally said.

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

  “I’m not disappointed.” For the first time since they’d come downstairs he looked at her. “I’m not disappointed, I’m surprised.”

  She stifled a nervous laugh. “To be honest with you, so am I.”

  James returned to arranging cheese and greens on a slice of bread that he had coated with mayo. “Why? I don’t understand.”

  “I think she really needs me.”

  “I’m sure she does, but . . .” His voice faded away and he moved back to the refrigerator.

  “But what?” she asked curiously.

  He shook his head and lifted his shoulders as he dropped more items on the counter. “How is this going to work?”

  “I’m going to take care of your mom.”

  There was a long silence, and then he looked up at her again. “And it’s as simple as that?”

  “It has to be as simple as that.”

  “And if it’s not?”

  “We don’t have to make this complicated, James.” Good God, it wasn’t going to be that simple but she couldn’t tell him that. She didn’t even know how to explain to him why she had agreed to the job, because she herself didn’t know the answer. Maybe it was her sick way of trying to prove to herself that she was over him. Or perhaps she was trying to conquer a deep emotional yearning. Hell, maybe she just wanted to torture herself. Who knew? She sure didn’t.

  “Isn’t it already complicated?”

  “It doesn’t have to be. We’ll make this work,” she said confidently. “We have to make it work, for Marie.”

  Nodding, he said, “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to do this.”

  James pressed the completed sandwich together. “You’re sure?” He took a bite of the sandwich, chewed, and then swallowed. “I’m afraid I won’t have enough time to find a new nurse if you change your mind.”

  “
I won’t change my mind.” She watched him take another bite before adding, “I love her, too.”

  The intensity of compassion and warmth in her voice made him turn toward her. “I know you do.”

  “I’m not going to back out, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She was a woman of her word. Once she decided to do something she did it.

  “What about your job? This is a full-time position.”

  “I’ve already taken care of it. I was due for some time off.” The truth was, after she left James, she had worked nonstop. Her supervisor had expressed concern that she might be working herself too hard. In a year she hadn’t taken any vacation time or sick leave. She was always the first to volunteer to pull a double shift or to cover for someone else. When she called her supervisor this afternoon and told her she needed some time off, she was more than happy to give it to her.

  His eyes found hers. Staring deeply into the warm blue pools, he spoke. “I don’t know what to say.”

  She didn’t either. “A thank-you will do.”

  His voice dropped. “Samantha, you know I thank you. I just don’t think ‘thank you’ is adequate. You have gone beyond the call of duty as a nurse and friend.” And ex-girlfriend. “This job isn’t going to be easy and the circumstances are just as difficult, yet you are willing to do this. I thank you more than you’ll ever know.”

  Samantha gently smiled. He was making her sound like a saint. She wasn’t entirely certain her motives for taking the job were that commendable. Right now, there wasn’t much she was sure of. “I spoke with her doctor today. You know her treatment is going to be aggressive. I don’t know what you’ve been told but this isn’t going to be easy on her. She is more than likely going to be very sick and weak.”

  James’s jaw tightened. He moved to the cabinet, got a glass, and filled it at the sink. “They have explained the treatment, but I’m not sure if I understand it all.”

  “Would you like me to explain it to you?” she offered.

  “Yes, and please do it in layman’s terms so I can comprehend what you’re saying.”

  “Sure. The chemotherapy drugs that Marie will be given will travel throughout her body to slow the growth of cancer cells and, hopefully, kill them. The doctor has chosen to inject the drugs into the bloodstream through an intravenous needle that is inserted into a vein.” She fought the urge to reach for his hand. “Chemotherapy is usually given in cycles during which you have treatment for a period of time, and then you have a few weeks to recover before your next treatment. This is how Marie is going to have her treatments.”

  Samantha stopped when she saw the flash of anger and hint of sadness flicker across his face. She would explain the rest another time. “I know this is hard on you.” She tried to offer him a reassuring smile as she slid out of the chair and walked around to him. “We’re going to get her through it.”

  Setting the glass down, he braced his arms on the counter; his head was dropped slightly, and his voice was resigned as he spoke. “Why did this have to happen to her? She’s always been healthy. I can’t remember her ever being sick.”

  The urge to console him and soothe his pain shot through her with fierce intensity. James was the strongest person she knew. Nothing intimidated him. He wasn’t weak in any sense of the word—physically, mentally, or emotionally—but his mother’s illness was taking its toll. It hurt her to see him like this.

  Taking a small step toward him, she reached out her hand and rested it against his cheek. Her fingers moved over the planes of his face as his eyes dropped closed. The gentle touch brought back memories, which she attempted to stuff back into the depths they came from. “You need to be strong for her,” she whispered reassuringly.

  “I’m trying.”

  Her hand lingered, her fingers caressed, and when he opened his eyes and looked at her, the connection she felt was deep. “I know you are.”

  “It’s hard to watch her go through this. I hate knowing that there’s a disease in her body that’s—”

  “Shh,” Samantha said softly.

  He shook his head. “God, I can’t even stand to think about it.”

  “We’re going to get her through this. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get her through this as easily as possible.”

  “This is out of your and my control. Damn, I hate this.” His jaw clenched. “I feel like I’m looking down an endless tunnel with no goddamn light in sight.”

  She raised her other hand, holding his face. He was used to being in control and having control of almost everything that affected him. She knew having that vital attribute taken away left him extremely vulnerable. And that was one thing he’d always prided himself on not being. “We just have to be strong and have faith. We have to put our trust in God.”

  He tried not to laugh. “Put my trust in God? I have little faith in Him right now.” His eyes followed hers. “He’s the one who is trying to take my mom. I think I’ll put my faith in something or someone who is on my side, because God definitely isn’t.”

  “You don’t believe that.”

  “The hell I don’t,” he snapped.

  “James—”

  He covered her hand with his and fiddled with the silver thumb ring that rested against his jaw. “He took you from me, too.” A heart-wrenching expression crossed his face. “Why would He take the two most important things in my life from me?”

  His words came out in the form of a soft breath against her face, causing her own breaths to come in small, short gasps.

  “I’ve already lost you. I can’t lose her, too.” He pinched his eyes shut. “I rather die myself.”

  “You’re not going to lose her.”

  “Can you promise me that?”

  “You know I can’t.”

  He held her face, gently stroking her hair. “I never thought I’d lose you and look what happened.”

  “I didn’t die.”

  “It felt like you did.”

  She withdrew her hands and stepped back.

  James reached for her. “Samantha —”

  Samantha held up a hand not only to avoid contact with him but also to silence him. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  She moved across the room. “Don’t say anything.”

  “Why?”

  “Because, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

  “Christ, Samantha, I’ve waited a year to explain what happened. You never gave me that chance.” He paused as he tried to control a year’s worth of frustration and anger. “You left before I could justify myself.”

  “I don’t want to hear any justification. I didn’t want to hear it then and I sure don’t want to hear it now.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Not fair?” The words flew from her mouth in disbelief. “Not fair. How’s this for not fair? I gave you everything I had, my love, my heart, my soul. And what did you do with it? You betrayed it all.” The change in her eyes was sudden and fierce. “I don’t think you want to talk to me about what’s fair and what’s not.” Their eyes held for an uncomfortable minute. “Your infidelity damaged more than just our relationship.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You broke emotional bonds, which can never be fixed. You tore me in two.”

  “Jesus, Samantha.” He was shaking his head. “I didn’t betray you or anything we shared. If you knew what really happened, you would understand that.”

  “I know what happened, James. I saw her in your arms.” She blinked back the tears that instantly formed. There was no way she was going to let him see her cry. She was finished with crying. She had stopped crying a long time ago. “You were kissing her, and holding her. I’m not stupid or blind, so don’t talk to me about understanding. I understand what happened perfectly.”

  “You understand nothing.”

  “I don’t want to discuss this anymore. Me moving in here and taking care of Marie is strictly professional. My relationship with you is s
trictly professional. What happened in the past doesn’t matter. I am here as a nurse and as a friend to Marie. That’s all.”

  “Sam—”

  She cut him off. “Do you have a preference about what room I’ll be staying in?”

  He blew out a long breath. “Take your pick.”

  Chapter Six

  James cradled the hot cup of coffee in one hand and closed the sliding glass door behind him with the other. He wandered across the deck toward a table that was shaded by a huge green umbrella and surrounded by matching chairs and cushions. Beyond the arrangement of chairs, plants, and flowers there was a built-in barbecue and a wet bar made of brick that hadn’t been used in over a year. To his right, there was a covered hot tub that also hadn’t been used in some time. Surveying his unused amenities, he realized that he hadn’t done much over the last year but work. And once his mom had been diagnosed with cancer, every spare moment thereafter had been dedicated to her.

  “Good morning,” Marie said as she squinted against the bright morning sun. “Isn’t it just a beautiful day?”

  James looked toward the edge of the deck, where the stairs led down to the beach. He moved to his mom’s side, resting his hand on the back of her chair. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Enjoying the sun, the breeze, the water.” She pointed to a chair next to her. “Sit down, it’s wonderful.”

  “Here, hold this.” James handed her his cup of coffee. “It’ll warm you up.” He disappeared into the house, and then returned with a blanket. He shook it out to its full length. Reaching for his coffee, he balanced it on the railing before he draped the thick material over her and tucked it around her shoulders.

  “What are you doing?” she asked curiously.

  “It’s cool.”

  “It’s refreshing,” she countered as he awkwardly tried to cover her.

  “Call it what you will.” He worked the blanket a little more.

  “Don’t be silly, Son. I’m fine.” She pushed at his hands to illustrate her point. “See, as snug as a bug in a rug.”

  James touched her hand, holding it tightly in his. “Your hand is cold. Maybe we should go in; the breeze might be too much for you.” He looked up into the gentle morning wind rolling off the ocean. It didn’t feel overly cool to him but he had to consider her condition.